I WiTnesS…

Ini satu lagi isu 90:10.

Dua tiga minggu lepas, entah macam mana, kebetulan aku tertengok Melodi (dah berzaman aku tak tengok). Tiba, ada slot pasal isu artis Malaysia demanded from all radio stations to play 90% songs from Malaysia and only 10% songs from Indonesia. This has to do with the fact that, more and more Malaysians prefer to listen to Indonesian songs, buy cds from Indonesian singers and go to concerts of Indonesian artistes rather than supporting the local acts.

. . . . . . . . .

p/s: To read further, please click to the link below:
www.iwitnessthee.blogspot.com

Yes,
I have moved to a new blog sphere;) But this does not mean that I will
abandon this friendster blog. I will still be using it to post 3-4
lines of my entry from the new blog and in order to read the rest of
the story, you’d have to click on the link provided or go straight to
the url mentioned above.

In case you want to link my blog to
yours, and don’t know which one to link to, I would prefer, love and
appreciate it if you link my new blog, www.iwitnessthee.blogspot.com, to yours.Thank you and enjoy reading=)

Ini adalah berkenaan dengan isu cadangan (note when I said ‘cadangan’…dan ianya hanyalah sekadar ‘cadangan’;p) Menteri Besar Selangor tentang pemberian 10% kuota kemasukan pelajar bukan bumiputra ke Universiti Teknologi MARA. Aku tidak ada niat dan bukan berniat untuk berpolitik atau mempolitikkan isu ini…tapi aku sekadar ingin melontarkan pendapat.

. . . . . . . . . .

p/s: To read further, please click to the link below:
www.iwitnessthee.blogspot.com

Yes, I have moved to a new blog sphere;) But this does not mean that I will abandon this friendster blog. I will still be using it to post 3-4 lines of my entry from the new blog and in order to read the rest of the story, you’d have to click on the link provided or go straight to the url mentioned above.

In case you want to link my blog to yours, and don’t know which one to link to, I would prefer, love and appreciate it if you link my new blog, www.iwitnessthee.blogspot.com, to yours.Thank you and enjoy reading=)

Somehow I have the feeling that I shouldn’t be writing or babbling about ‘this thing’, which is very DISTURBING, CONFUSING AND TOPIK-TAK-LARAT-NAK-FIKIR, here…in this cheerful and ‘happy’ blog of mine… The thing just doesn’t suit to be “poured” out here… BUT, i just cant stand it…and I have to pour them out NOW..!! coz I can’t stand it anymore….Oh God, I can’t stand it….

My God..! What was he thinking? Honestly, I was worried a bit…and confused…What was he thinking..!!?? Oh God..Oh God…!! Lord… Ya Allah…. What ON EARTH was thinking…??!! Now I wonder…was he even thinking..?

I’m not panicked..and i was not panicked..thank God for that! I knew that this day would come and I was prepared for it…In fact, I don’t feel a thing..I’m numb… Yes, call me heartless or inhumane…but I dont ‘feel’ a thing…note,I said, ‘feel’.. Yes,I repeat, I don’t feel a thing.. Tapi impaknye adalah pade fikiran aku…Aku mule fikir..first, what was he thinking??!! Secondly, I can’t believe it, that, with all the ignorance, with all the hints that I kinda despise the ‘idea’, with all the body language, intonation and avoidance that I showed, that I threw on him, he could come out with such conclusion…?? Such, I would say, suggestions? No no..it’s not a suggestion.. It’s more of a decision.. Such decision!! Die boleh,dengan senang hatinye, seolah-olah satu jalan yg mudah diambil…. Okay,he did asked me first..BUT BUT..!!! Still!!! Oh God….Oh God!!

Dan aku mule tertanye, ape dalam fkiran die..? Ape yg selame ni die fikir..?!! Can’t he read the ’signs’ that I gave him?? Couldn’t he understand them? Or did he understand the signs differently than other normal people…??!!! Is he not normal..? Okay, not normal is such a strong word… Let me replace it with ‘different’.. Sometimes, I have the feeling that he is happy and so comfortable with his state…Die rase die hepy and selesa, jadi, die pun ingat org lain hepy and selesa…BUT the thing is, he forgets and ignores the condition of others…yes…I believe and I think that is why he is ‘him’…

And the reasons he gave for his ‘decision’..the reasons were too….i dont know how to describe them…were…so not me!!! ohhhh….they were soo not me… Lord, please…please Lord…. In fact, I’m a bit offended with one of his reasons…
and how I wish I could actually tell that on his face..!! God…..!

Okay, enough..!! I could go on and on on this….but I don’t want to…Perhaps because I’m tired…I’m tired of thinking…I’m tired of being so many different ‘persons’ in front of so many different people…I’m exhausted of my current life…every part of me, heart, body, soul and mind, is aching badly though unseen… Honestly, sometimes, I do hope for somebody to please come and save me…do come and save me and take me away from this misery…!! Nevertheless, we can’t keep hoping forever…coz in the end, with the help of Allah the All Mighty, we are the ones who are responsible to save ourselves… Thus, oh Allah..help me..please help me..Amin… Read the rest of this entry »

Yang mana satu yang korang lebih rela hadapi? Penat otak atau letih fizikal?

"Penat otak" dan "letih fizikal" adalah dua istilah yang mempunyai definisi yang berlainan kepade individu yang berlainan. Berdasarkan definisi masing-masing, sesetengah individu lebih rela ‘penat otak’ daripade ‘letih fizikal’ dan sesetengah orang pulak, lebih rela ‘letih fizikal’ berbanding ‘penat otak’. Yang mane satu yang korang lebih rela hadapi? Penat otak atau letih fizikal?

Definisi aku, penat otak ialah bile kite penat berfikir…penat berfikir untuk carik jalan or idea untuk satu-satu kerje, perancangan atau penyelesaian kepade masalah. Yang pasti, ape jugak yg kite fikirkan itu, kite akan fikirkan idea,jalan or cara yg TERBAIK…Jadi, mungkin, disebabkan itulah kadang-kala, kite akan berfikir sehingga merase ‘penat’. From my experience and observations, penat otak sering berlaku kepade mereka yg bergelar "pelajar"…;)

Manakala, letih fizikal, dari pemahaman aku ialah bile kite banyak melakukan sesuatu aktiviti yang melibatkan anggota fizikal kite dan kite perlu banyak bergerak. Berjalan jauh, berdiri terlalu lama, mengangkat barang-barang berat dan melakukan kerja berterusan tanpa rehat yang cukup selalunya akan mengakibatkan rasa letih secare fizikal. Berdasarkan pengalaman aku, bile kite tamat belajar dan mule melangkah ke alam pekerjaan, kite sebenarnyer telah pun ‘menempah’ satu pengalaman letih fizikal..;p

Kalau diukur hidup aku berdasarkan kedua-dua istilah di atas, hidup aku sebagai pelajar (undergrad or postgrad), memang jelas mendatangkan ‘kepenatan otak’. Assignments, presentations, project works and later insyaAllah THESIS!! adalah sangat memenatkan otak ini. Tapi, perbezaan memang jelas ketara antare zaman undergrad dan postgrad, di mana, semase undergrad, sepenat mane pun otak ini, kawan-kawan sentiase ade sekeliling kite untuk membantu…to ease the pain a lil bit=) And to those who are thinking of furthering your studies after several years of working or while you are still working, here’s a friendly reminder, it’s not the same as the degree days…cause the joy of learning during the degree days is always the best feeling and nothing else can replace that=) Dalam erti kate lain, ketiadaan kawan-kawan rapat pade setiap mase, beban tugas yang lebih berat dan expectations yang lebih tinggi terhadap keupayaan diri kite telah membuatkan kepenatan otak semasa zaman postgrad ini adalah lebih ‘mencabar’ dan ’sangat sangat memenatkan’…

Tetapi, berbeza dengan waktu aku bekerja sebagai pendidik dulu, aku lebih letih secare fizikal. Dan aku percaye, keletihan seorang pendidik itu adalah sesuatu yang dikongsi secare universal oleh kebanyakan pendidik di dunia ini. Letih kerana kite harus berdiri sepanjang tige jam mangajar, letih kerana kite perlu memeriksa kertas tugasan anak murid kite dari tige kumpulan yang berbeza di mana setiap kumpulan mempunyai paling kurang 30 orang, letih kerana kita perlu sentiase bersedia dengan bahan pengajaran yang terbaik dan paling efektif untuk anak-anak murid dan letih kerana kita harus bersabar dan terus melayan karenah anak-anak murid yang pelbagai. Sebagai bukti, waktu aku kerje dulu, mata ini takkan dapat bertahan berjage sehingga lebih dari pukul 11 malam…kecuali jika terpakse=p

Persoalannye sekarang ini ialah, yang mane satu yang lebih rela kite hadapi? Kalau diikutkan, kite tidak mahu akan dua-dua sekali. Tapi kalau difikir-fikirkan dan diberi pilihan, yang mana satu yang lebih rela kite pilih untuk hadapi?

Jika aku diberi pilihan, secare peribadi, aku lebih rela letih fizikal seperti mane yang aku hadapi ketika aku bekerja dahulu, daripade penat otak seperti yang aku rase sekarang… Mungkin kerana, letih fizikal yang aku rase dahulu adalah sesuatu yang aku harus hadapi demi melakukan pekerjaan yang sangat aku suke…  Jadi dan mungkin, dalam tidak sedar, aku tidak endah dengan keletihan fizikal aku kerana  aku sangat sayang dan suke akan pekerjaan aku..=)

Walau bagaimana pun, aku tak bermaksud untuk menyatakan yang aku tidak gemar atau menyesal dengan tindakan aku menyambung pembelajaran aku. Aku bersyukur kerana aku mendapat peluang untuk menyambung pelajaran…tapi, aku harus sedar bahawa perjuangan menuntut ilmu kali ini memerlukan usaha yang paling gigih dari diri aku sendiri (and obviously more prayers are needed) dan kali ini, aku harus sentiase mengingatkan diri sendiri bahawa jalan hidup untuk berjaya sekaligus ’survive’, tidak lagi semudah dulu…

Itu semua hanyalah pendapat aku berdasarkan pengalaman yang tidak seberapa. Sudah pasti ada orang di luar sana yang tiada pilihan, kerana terpakse menghadapi kedua-dua keadaan di atas sekaligus. Walau ape pun, aku percaya bahawa Tuhan telah tentukan ke atas hamba-hamba Nya akan pelbagai cabaran berdasarkan kemampuan kite yang berlainan dan berbeza… Jadi, cabaran yang mane satu yang rela korang hadapi?

“Ms, thanks sbb ajar sy..Thanks a lot..syg mis..”
“A’kum…tq miss kerane tande ketas saye yg tah pape..haha..”
“Salam Miss Fara,i jz wn 2thnk u,bcz i got A 4 bel..Thnx so much..i owe u big. May God bless u always. Love u,hehe”
“Miss pe cte? Rndu nk kacau ms cm dlu. Haaha”
“Haha..next sem mesti rindu kt miss”
“Hye mis fara…jez want to wish gud luck to u n we all miss u..”
“Msg2 rindu kat mis n mis nurul. Skang bes tp bes ngn mis lg hapening je”
“Miss, dgr lagu broken, ingat kat u”
“Sekarang kelas bel miss n honestly i miss ur class”

All of the above are only some of the messages that I received, from my former students, back in UiTM Seri Iskandar after I have stopped working there. There are more messages,but I think, the ones written above are more than sufficient to make me remember all of them for ever & cukup untuk buat aku tersenyum tiap kali aku teringatkan diorg=)…..Now, could you please tell me, with such touching as well as thoughtful sayings and greetings, how can you not miss this bunch of naughty yet wonderful, curious yet sweet and enthusiastic yet well-mannered students?

Realizing the unique as well as remarkable impact and effect that these students have on me (irrespective of whether they are POSITIVE or NEGATIVE ones;) I, therefore, would like to dedicate this entry especially to them=) They might not be able to read this blog pun..hehe..(atau mungkin diorg akan bace,tapi entah zaman bile entah) but, this is just my way of telling the world (or the least, the cyberspace;) that these “kids” have a special and significant role in my life=)

At first, I planned to describe their characteristics and antics a little bit, here in this entry. But, since there are so many many things to write about them, I just couldn’t describe them, briefly, here. Yet, I still want to put up this entry as something to be remembered. So, after awhile, I think I’ll just put up their pictures which are full of characters;) Their pictures can really describe and tell who as well as how they were when they were my students. So here goes: p/s: Click on the picture that you’d like to view and a pop up window will show you a clearer view of it.

SEMESTER JULY-NOVEMBER 2006 & SEMESTER JULY-NOVEMBER 2007

SEMESTER JULY-NOVEMBER 2007

Some may say that pictures do not describe everything…but to me, at least, these pictures of me and my students, they describe something… They describe how I miss my dream job of teaching full-time, how I miss sharing my knowledge with these young minds, how I miss their curiosity and how I miss them;p

Teaching is not a smooth-sailing job and I don’t deny the fact that I did feel hurt and frustrated with their ignorance sometimes. But, whatever we do, there will always be some risks that we have to face and teaching is not excluded from this. If we succeed, we should be thankful and if we don’t, we should reflect on things.

All in all, these young minds had once put some colours to my life. Yet, I don’t expect them to remember me as how I remember them. For all you know, some of them might have forgotten the name “Miss Fara” already;p And I am a normal human being, I myself might not recall and remember all of their names or even faces. But what I do know is, I won’t forget the part of my life that I used to spend with them…=) Hopefully, all of them will succeed in whatever fields of life that they are going to venture into=)

    Dr. Isarji, one of my lecturers once mentioned in class that "Change is a painful process"…and I totally agree with his statement. Change, in whatever forms, contexts or conditions are indeed painful and not to mention stressful=p And I want to make a confession here that sometimes, I do question, why must there be changes? Why cant things just stay the same…hehe..=p Well, in spite of these questions and confusions, I have to admit that changes are inevitable (quoted from amilin;). No matter how, no matter what, we have to face changes, aite? Coz
changes are needed so that we could improve ourselves, and so that we could experience new things, thus become wiser in life. Let’s just hope and pray that the changes which happen in our lives are not foreshadowing any misfortune and will not bring us disasters…amin=)                                                                                                                                                                                                                            
    Well, as for me, the changes that are happening to me at the moment are at first hard to digest=p Sincerely speaking..after one and a half year of working as an educator;the job that I love so much, living in a place near to home as well as to family and being surrounded by great friends, plus naughty yet wonderful students…I had found that living all those behind and furthering my studies here in UiA now, was a bit torturing=p No more Ita and Milin to brighten up my days…No more laughter and chatting about the students’ antics…No more 40 minutes travel from Seri Iskandar to Ipoh, to my home sweet home…No more all the ‘kesenangan’ that I used to savour…huhu. As I said, it was, at first, hard to digest…

    However, after about two months of being a student again, I have finally got into
my senses and I am now adapted to the new situation & condition. I guess I have to put aside all the "tak best" parts of being here and look at the bright side of it;p And I have to admit that one of the things that I like the most about living in KL again is, I get the chance to meet my best buddies and old friends=) Though, this will only be possible during the weekends, still, it’s something worth spend time for=) I also believe, it is due to the time spend with these wonderful friends of mine, that I am now a bit ’stable’…hehe;p

    All in all, changes or transitions in life do happen and they are unavoidable. And I am very thankful that I am still being surrounded by great friends, to accompany me to face this ever changing life…Thank you friends=)

    Stress is the condition that results when person-environment transactions [Person-environment transactions is the idea that an individual’s environmental and psychological factors added together work to maintain consistent personality traits] lead the individual to perceive a discrepancy, whether real or not, between the demands of a situation and the resources of the person’s biological, psychological or social systems [Hmm..maybe, for eg. when a person does not get what SHE really wants or is not given the chance to get what SHE really wants or the things that SHE really wants do not come to her or SHE has found what she wants yet unable...UNABLE to make them as hers. Or perhaps, what she really wants is in contrast with what she really needs or what she wants and needs are the opposites of what others want and need] . In medical terms, stress is the disruption of homeostasis through physical or  psychological stimuli. Stressful stimuli can be mental, physiological, anatomical or physical reactions. 

    Over the long term, distress can lead to diminished health or illness [Dizziness that leads to migraine to be precise and then you feel like knocking your head on the wall..or shout as loud as you can..or feel like running away to somewhere far so that no one will ever find you]; to avoid this, stress must be managed [hahahaha!!!!] 

    Common factors of stress: Both negative and positive stressors can lead to stress. Some common categories and examples of stressors include:

• Sensory: pain, bright light
• Life events: birth and deaths, marriage [or could it be the issue of marriage? When? How? With whom? Why? Is he or she the one? Asked by your by unconscious mind and people around you... Or even the slightest discussion of it? Whereas, you should be paying attention to other important matters like your studies.. Hmm..it could be..it could be...], and divorce 
• Responsibilities: lack of money, unemployment
• Work/study: exams, project deadlines, and group projects [Obviously this is true..For eg. when you have two presentations and a mid sem test next week..yet you havent prepared a single thing for any of those...Yup..true enough] 
• Personal relationships: conflict, deception [Oh,could heartache be included? Broken hearted? How about confusions? Or dissapointment? They can be included right?]
• Lifestyle: heavy drinking, insufficient sleep 
• Early life exposure (e.g. child abuse) can permanently alter an individual’s stress response
• Environmental: Lack of control over environmental circumstances [Hm..yes...for example,when you have to do things that you dont really want to do, and you cant do what you really want to do, plus, you cant be what you really need to be] such as food, housing, health, freedom, or mobility
• Social: Struggles with conspecific individuals and social defeat [Is this the case when people around you expected you to be somebody else than the one you really are?] can be potent sources of chronic stresses.

So, are you stressed out??!! Well, at the moment, I know I am. . .

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stress_%28medicine%29

Somewhere in December, Im came to UiA and she had a sleepover at my room. Bile dah lame tak jumpe, its normal for us to have a chat about this and that before we go to sleep… kan kawan2 kan?;) So, kitorg sembang2 la. Then, out of the blue, Im made a remark that made me startled for a while..! She said,“Ush,ko ni sekarang,suke cakap “bodoh” eh..”Gullpp!! Terkedu sebentar saye di situ;p Then, i answered her just by saying,”oh ehh..? heh..xperasan..hehe”;p

Well, seriously and truthfully speaking, i didnt notice that I like to utter the word “bodoh” a lot these days…x perasan langsung, until Im pointed it out that night. Hmm..its a bad habit…i know.. bad fara syuhada..!!=p and i know that i have to change the habit=( ok2..saye insaf..sob sob..=p

However, there is something about the word “bodoh”, that i want to point out, here in this entry. According to Kamus Dewan Bahasa edisi pertama, the word “bodoh” means, “sukar mengerti atau mempelajari sesuatu, bebal, dungu dan tolol”. Okay, that’s clear..

Now, here’s the thing..when ever I utter the word or expression, “bodoh”, I have no intention of saying that the person, the situation or the thing that I am talking about at that moment as being , “sukar mengerti atau mempelajari sesuatu, bebal, dungu dan tolol“. Contohnye, jika saye kate “Bodo la yan..” or “Bodo la moon..”, adakah anda rasa, saye mmg berniat mengatekan bhw kwn2 saye, Izyani Mohamad Zaki yg memiliki kelulusan sarjana (masters degree) dlm TESL dari UPM dan Munirah Mohd Izam, yg memiliki kelulusan sarjana dlm Eng Literature dari Uni of Leeds, adalah dan sebagai “sukar mengerti atau mempelajari sesuatu, bebal, dungu dan tolol”?  Oh..TIDAK sama sekali..!!!=p So,what do I really mean when i say, “bodoh..”..??

Hmm..well..sincerely, I have no exact definition of my “bodo” term. I will just say it, when ever I think (note, i think) that the term suits the situations. For instance, i might say “bodo” to a joke that is so funny…and also to a joke that is so not funny=p I would also say “bodo” as a response to Zeti’s blurriness..=p (Zeti jarang blur..tp skali dier blur..die mmg blur giller;) And, i would also say “bodo” to people who made me feel angry or pissed off..hmm.

All in all, I’m just trying to say that sometimes, certain words that we use every day, do not carry the same meanings with the general definitions that everybody knows and with the definitions given in dictionaries..and they are colloquial words or “bahasa pasar” (Well, I know that obviously, everybody realizes this..So, all I’m trying to do here is just to bring up the issue..hehe=) The term “bodo”, is just one of the words belong to the above said category. As what i used to say to Ita, “okay, maksud “bodo” aku bukan “bodo” dlm kamus okay? Ni “bodoh” beyond the definitions given in dictionaries..”

So, should Dewan Bahasa & Pustaka or any publishers of dictionaries in this country, highlight this in their dictionaries? That there are exceptions of the meanings given in dictionaries,in some situations? So that, let’s say, one day, a tourist who carries with him, a mini english-malay dictionary every where, wont get confused or pissed off when he sits next to a Malaysian ‘mamat’ who’s reading “Ujang” and keeps on saying the word “bodoh” and laugh to himself every time he turns each page of the magazine?;) hehe.. I dont know..It might be a waste of time and papers because, even we, as those who use these kinds of terms, are not sure of what exactly the terms mean to us and when exactly do we use the term. As i mentioned before,i will use the term when ever ‘i think’ it suits the situations..

Okay, you might be bored with my babbling..hehe..but i’m not quite finish yet..;p Hmm..when it comes to this issue, what amazes me the most is, how do these words evolve into something different than their original meanings..? How did it happen? When? And who actually came out with the idea first..? Let me take few other examples..like the phrase, “tak kelakar”.. Well, when i express that something is “tak kelakar”, i dont mean that it is “tidak” “jenaka, gurau senda, lawak, olok-olok, seloroh”(Kamus Dewan Bahasa, edisi pertama). To me, i will use the term “tak kelakar” to refer to something or situations that i cannot accept=p Cthnye, adalah “tak klaka”, bile ‘gathering’ yg dijadualkan pada pukul 9 pagi, ditukar ke pukul 4 ptg=p Same goes with the phrase “tak bole blah” (often used by my former students;) From my observations, “tak bole blah” is simply an expression, which is used when you think that a person behaves in a manner that makes you either laugh or feel annoyed=p (i might be wrong..hehe=p)

This is just another simple proof that human beings are creative=) We could actually make the meaning of a particular word evolves into something else that suits certain situations. And when others listen to our usage of the word, thus discover that it is a rather ‘cool’ word, they will use it in their everyday speech…alas, the evolvement of language! But, please do keep in mind that I dont consider the use of “dirty” words as being creative…no matter how “great” the evolvement occured to such words. ..and I am totally against “cursing” using “improper” words..if you know what i mean. Perkataan “bodoh” tu pun, saye rase saye perlu hentikan drpd terlalu biase dgnnyer…inikan pulak lah perkataan yg lebih “dasyat” dari itu=p

Hmm…u might be thinking at the moment…ape bende la yang saya merepek ni..macam “tak boleh blah” jer..hehe. Hmm..this entry can be seen as my justification of using the phrase “bodo”,hehe (bad..bad fara!) or it can also be viewed as just another language issue that has been lingering in my head for quite sometimes=p Entah la..I myself dont know, what and why am I babbling about this issue.. Isu nyer kecik je..and not so educational or philosophical pun, tapi entry nyer panjang “gile” (another word that Kamus Dewan Bahasa would give a different definition). Hehe..serius “tak klaka”=p So, readers out there (if there is any=p), just bare with me okay..? da..=p

I dont know…but its just that,sometimes,when i am overloaded with emotions; happysadgriefheartachethankfulmadlikehellconfusedenragedpleasedcontentsubdue,
i tend to do something different,weird or crazy…just to release and pour ‘everything’ out of this head.I believe u will also do something or anything different when u r so stressed out. Well, these were some of the things i did last week for being in the state of ‘overloaded’. They were not too weird or crazy..but they were unhealthy for me:

• I drove my kelisa for 120 km/h on the highway from KL to Ipoh…alone. (seriously,when i told my mum bout this,she stared at me in disbelief without blinking her eyes for seconds=p)
• I sang my heart out to these tunes while driving; ‘What goes around’-j.timblake, ‘Too little too late’-Jojo, ‘Apologize’-Timbaland, ‘Not ready to make nice’ -Dixie chicks, ‘My happy ending’-avril, ‘So Sick’-Ne-yo, ‘Runaway’-avril, ‘Great escape’-boys like girls, ‘I’m Like a Lawyer With the Way I’m Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You)’- Fall Out Boy, ‘Sober’-Kelly Clarkson, ‘Bleed out’-Linkin Park…and many more… (the good thing about singing alone in ur car is,no one is going to criticize ur voice..whether its awful or not..lari ke laut or ke sungai.so,suka hati la!=p)
• I didnt take my lunch before the journey..so,what i did,i bought myself pelbagai..i said pelbagai..junk food; cheezels,chocolate drinks,twisties, bars of chocolate,soft drinks and sweets. I munched on them along the way to Ipoh. (so not healthy=p)

• Once i reached home,I slept as early as 9.30pm and woke up for Subuh at 5.30am, then went to sleep again until 11am in the morning..(Seriously,i have not done that in ages! Working world had taken its toll on me…ohh believe me, IT HAD!!)

• I woke up that morning, went straight to my laptop,connected it with the net,log in to friendster and posted this shoutout,"I’m between HEAVEN and HELL"! (to mr Claudio or who ever u r,thank u for giving attention to my shouout..at least someone was paying attention to it. Sorry if i was a bit harsh on u for the comment and d question dat u gave..salah timing la afiq.Ni dh ok sket.Xyah risau,aku kawin,aku jemput ko=p neway, i have my own reason for shouting that out in my friendster..and it has nothing to do with halloween or gothic or whatever,ok..?). And i had also changed or added and edited something on my profile..Saje nak ekspresi rase bengang to the "world wide web"! (It did make me feel better though..)
  

• I watched all the CDs and DVDs that i cud find in the house…’Harry Potter’,'LOTR’, ‘Count of Monte Cristo’,'Cars’,'Ratatouille’,'Stardust’…and ‘Pirates of the Carribean’ for the 288th times! (zeti nazima and ita salfarina,in case u guys r reading this..yes..it was indeed pathetic!=p)
• I bought myself four different types of Secret Recipe cakes (oreo cheese cake, choc indulgence,black forest,nw york cheese cake) and i indulged myself in them..it was indeed satisfying…=)

• I cried…and cried.. Yes,crying is just my thing… Go on and say whatever u want about me…emo,pathetic or weak…its up to you…But to me,crying is just my way to pour out everything that disheartens me..so that they wont stay polluting my thoughts and my spirit forever.. This reminds me of the sayings that "Air mata adlh senjata wanita"… Tears can cause an inferno..

• The last thing i did before i come back to KL was,i found myself ‘a shoulder to cry on’…I admit that crying alone is not enough…somebody has to listen to ur cries…and when somebody did listen to my cries, i have found myself feeling a lot better..way better..=) thank u so much..
  

Well actually, there are so many other crazy,fatal and different things i wud like to do…just to let go of this tense…Subconsciously,i wud like to do bungee jumping, rock climbing and then jump down as i reach the top (oh no,i have no intention to kill myself), fly to Sabah or Sarawak right now at this very moment and have a wonderful holiday there (how i wish i cud, zeti), go to any beautiful ocean,jump into it and swim freely, flee to the beautiful places that i can see in the LOTR film,climb the mountains and shout as loud as i can… So, what’s ur subconscious when u r so stress out?

All in all, sometimes,we think that by doing something weird and going somewhere far away cud be the ways to ease agony. But the truth is, the cure to any kinds of bitterness in life has always been with us…that is God…and all we need to do is to pray to Him…

Don’t you just love it when you are bestowed with a friend or someone whom is A Good Listener…Whenever you have problems, stories, opinions or even the most ‘remeh’ thoughts ever, you can always turn to him or her..and he or she will always listens to you…attentively…no matter how, no matter what (otherwise,he or she won’t be known as A Good Listener). He or she could add a little or maybe some of his/her thoughts, advice or opinions towards whatever that you are babbling about…it’s up to you whether you want to accept them or not…because what matters most to you is someone is listening to you…willingly. And from the look of it, its not a win-win situation… After the please-listen-to-me session, you will feel relief and calm…simply because you have somehow transfered the worries that used to be your burden, to your friend, whom is A Good Listener… As for The Good Listener, without he or she realizes it, he/she is now officially ‘loaded’ with ‘excess baggage’ from his/her friend, partner or whatever.

Well, i’m not sure whether i’m a Good Listener or not..and i’m also not sure whether i’m the one who always makes others listen to me and let them carry half of my burden.. But i’m writing this entry so that all of us realize that we have to be FAIR to everybody…especially to those who are close to us.. I dont know about u, but i believe that we should be both; We should be The one who will share our thoughts,problems and opinions with others…so that we wont feel so stress,facing difficulties in this rather challenging life, alone…(although i admit, that sometimes,i do keep some of my feelings to myself). And we should also be The one who will listen to any problems, opinions or thoughts of others…because through this way, we could help to at least lessen the worries of those who are close to us and those whom we love dearly… We should not take others for granted..

Life is about give and take…and all of us should be reminded that ‘A good Listener’ needs ‘A Good Listener’ too…